5 months!

On Saturday, Diego Antonio turned 5 months old!

His smile!

The lateness and brevity of this post reflect the general spirit of the month. It was a month of sweet firsts, incredible time with grandma, hot hot hot weather, and a lot of changes.

Some firsts:

• First big trees: Family hike at Big Trees State Park!
• First concert: James Taylor at AT&T Park
• First non-breast-milk food: He’s staaaaarting to enjoy rice cereal
• First full week at daycare: We all survived!
• First bachelorette party: Ha! Stopping by his Aunt Janou’s party :)
• First weekend trip with friends: Weekend in St. Helena
• First swim classes: At the UOP pool-really just floating in Mom’s arms classes, but still so sweet

We are SO grateful my mom generously spent the whole month with Diego while I transitioned back to work. It gave me great peace of mind, but more than that, it was beautiful watching the two of them play and relish their time together.

Not being someone who handles change..with ease…having my mom’s steady reassurance helped with the sometimes hectic month. Diego really leaned into the 4 month sleep regression and it’s been pretty exhausting.

Honestly, all I want to do all day is keep him cozy against me, like a little kangaroo, squeezing and kissing him. The other day, I had a moment of panic: Is sending him to daycare a bad idea? Maybe I should find a way to just hold him ALL DAY.

And then, after taking a deep breath, and looking at him, rolling around on the floor, chatting (actually Howard Dean-style screaming) to himself, I calmed down. He needs to grow, be around other kids, he can’t be in my arms all the time. Keeping him in my clutches keeps me happy, but it’s not actually helping him grow.

And oh man, it is awesome to see him grow! Feeling so lucky, this Friday evening, watching him play with his Clifford, listening to Van Morrison, and gearing up for a weekend with my favorite five month old :)

Diego, right now

It’s 3:07 on Saturday afternoon, and Diego is five months old today. I hope to take some five months photos in a bit, and write more about his firsts, but right now, I just want to stop time for a moment.

All I want to do is freeze these moments, and keep them somewhere, so when time moves on, and I’m overwhelmed by…something…I can beam back to this moment.

To Diego right now.

His little cheek on my chest, his arms around my body, his little peach fuzz of hair at the top of his head. His little baby breaths-little spurts in and out-and I can see his back, rising and falling with each one.

His skin is so soft, and when he wiggles I catch a scent of detergent, lotion, and baby breath. I can’t stop staring at his eyelashes, his snobby upper lip, and that tiny little chin (with a layer of baby chin fat below :)).

He just smiled in his sleep! Ahh…sleeping baby grins.

We had quite an afternoon getting to this point. It’s been a month of pretty rotten night sleep overall, and his naps are not much better. After a brief morning nap in the stroller, and a cat nap in bed, I fought a losing battle for a solid, afternoon crib nap. With the Ergo in the living room, part of me said, “just give in…just wear him, let him sleep.” While the exhausted new mother, following whatever sleep method I’m pinning my hopes on now said, “no, no, no. He needs to sleep in the crib, he needs to learn.”

Obviously, I caved. It was the third voice-the adjusting to working motherhood voice-that broke me: “you’re away from him all week! Curl up with that baby, let him hear your heartbeat, and soak up that sweet baby nap!”

And man, I’m so grateful I did. Less than 5 minutes of Ergo time and he was out. And now, I’m relishing a blissful afternoon of baby naps, living in the life of Diego right now.

It’s so hard to be in the moment with this parenting thing, and so hard to know which voice to follow, what way is right. This is certainly an overwhelming and exhausting season for us. But in this moment, right now, it’s absolute joy.

Janou’s Bachelorette Wellness Hometown Weekend!

“A best friend isn’t a person, it’s a tier,” Janou shared this famous Mindy Kaling quote in her toast at my wedding, and as she pointed out, in our case it’s not totally true: Janou is my best friend. So it was absolutely thrilling to celebrate her at her bachelorette this weekend.

In planning this, Janou was, thankfully, very direct with her request: a wellness weekend, at some of her favorite places close to home. Hiking, beach, kombucha.

The one sliiiiiiiight planning challenge: everyone loves Janou. So many friends! I was a bit nervous about the big group-would everyone have fun? Did we have enough planned?

Thankfully, Janou’s friends are awesome and everyone was very relaxed and easy going all weekend. 

Perhaps it helped that we were in a beautiful place!

Friday night, over dinner, rose and kombucha cocktails, we swapped Janou stories :)

I stayed at my parent’s house at night-I’m not quite ready to be away from Diego all night-and brought him to breakfast in the morning. I loved seeing him getting passed around-that sweet boy just wants to be held ALL THE TIME.

Virginia was incredibly generous and took everyone on a hike of Moro Canyon. 

While the group hiked, I picked up sandwiches for a picnic on the beach.

It was a perfect afternoon for the beach-bright sun, sparkly water-the best.

Saturday night was dinner at Sushi Roku. I haven’t gotten dressed up in…a while…and it felt nice to have such a festive reason to go out.

At dinner, I got a little emotional looking at everyone in the room, thinking about how much Janou has impacted all of our lives. Throughout the weekend, everyone shared memories of special moments and hilarous adventures with Janou, and I was struck by what a tremendous friend she is. I mean, I know she is with me, but her love and generosity with her friends is incredible. We’re all so lucky for her friendship and it was so special to spend the weekend celebrating.

Love you, Janou!! Can’t wait for the wedding in September!

James Taylor’sLullaby

On the commute home, and wanted to jot down some memories from the weekend. We had a fun and full Saturday and a verrrrrry quiet (and needed) Sunday.

On Saturday morning, we drove to Oakland for my work’s summer party. Here’s Diego getting ready-in his Justice in Aging onesie!

Later that afternoon, we met up with Alex and Rebecca in their beautiful home. Alex made these incredible vinegar-seltzer water drinks, and we enjoyed yummy appetizers before heading to SF to see…

James Taylor!!! Alex and Rebecca were SO generous and invited us to join them at the concert. I LOVE James Taylor and the thought of seeing him at AT&T Park was THRILLING!

Diego already had a James Taylor newsboy cap, it’s almost like he knew this would be his first concert:

We ordered noise-cancelling headphones, which, btw, beyond being useful, are adorable.

Bonnie Raitt opened, and our seats were excellent. While I loved seat-dancing to Something to Talk About, I started to worry it was all a little to loud for Diego.

So, we moved further back in the stadium for James Taylor and it was much better.

James Taylor was excellent. He opened with Carolina in my Mind-so beautiful. Diego fell asleep soon after that. My favorite part-and the one that really brought on the tears-was listening to him sing Sweet Baby James, while holding my sleeping Diego in my arms. It was awesome.

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So thankful for Alex and Rebecca’s generosity and being able to enjoy such a special night! A very happy memory :)

Sunday was verrrrry low key. When I look at the photos from Saturday, my first thought is “ouch. I look tired.” And I am. The work/commute adjustment, coupled with an intennnnnse 4 month sleep regression, is hitting me hard. So, we spent a lot of Sunday, hanging out and napping.

Exactly what we all needed :)


Mama-Fay-Diego Day

Last Friday I had an appointment in SF, so I decided to make a day of it with my mom and Diego :)

Diego was great on the way there-he handled the traffic, BART ride, and non-working elevators like a champ.

A few years ago, when we went to see Mindy Kaling at the Nourse Theater, we went to a wine bar across the street from Zuni Cafe. I remember being struck by the big yellow awnings, and mini-Flatiron building architecture, and taking a mental note to return some day. When my mom recommended it for lunch, I was like, yessssss please!!!

It was such a treat. A beautiful restaurant, with a zinc bar, wood-stone oven, and big, airy windows. And the food was delicious! Check out that mountain of fries…

Even if the food was terrible, the awnings alone would make me love the place. They’re so friendly!

Can’t we Talk about Something More Pleasant? is one of my absolute favorite books. The Contemporary Jewish Museum has an exhibit of Roz Chast’s illustrations and we walked over there after lunch.
The curator’s description of Chast’s humor is spot on:

“Its a humor of complaint…It’s a humor of nostalgia, which actually is a humor of the costs of change, and the tragic brevity of human existence.  It’s a humor about social foibles, the silliness of so much of our behavior we take for granted.”

The exhibit has an entire wall covered in pages from the book, and I loved seeing my favorite moment in the memoir in real life.

And had to take a picture in front of the elder lawyer story. And omg, Diego’s expression!

After the museum, we walked down to the Hyatt at the Embarcadero. Of the places I breastfed that day (the SF Federal Building, the museum lobby, and the hotel) this was the best. The atrium of the hotel is a perfect respite from the city, with comfy, quiet corners perfect for feeding babies.

After picking up some empanadas and alfajores at El Porteno in the Ferry Building, it was time to go home.

Diego hit his limit in the car-its a long journey back!

Grateful for the pretty weather and a wonderful day with two of my favorite people!