Diego, right now

It’s 3:07 on Saturday afternoon, and Diego is five months old today. I hope to take some five months photos in a bit, and write more about his firsts, but right now, I just want to stop time for a moment.

All I want to do is freeze these moments, and keep them somewhere, so when time moves on, and I’m overwhelmed by…something…I can beam back to this moment.

To Diego right now.

His little cheek on my chest, his arms around my body, his little peach fuzz of hair at the top of his head. His little baby breaths-little spurts in and out-and I can see his back, rising and falling with each one.

His skin is so soft, and when he wiggles I catch a scent of detergent, lotion, and baby breath. I can’t stop staring at his eyelashes, his snobby upper lip, and that tiny little chin (with a layer of baby chin fat below :)).

He just smiled in his sleep! Ahh…sleeping baby grins.

We had quite an afternoon getting to this point. It’s been a month of pretty rotten night sleep overall, and his naps are not much better. After a brief morning nap in the stroller, and a cat nap in bed, I fought a losing battle for a solid, afternoon crib nap. With the Ergo in the living room, part of me said, “just give in…just wear him, let him sleep.” While the exhausted new mother, following whatever sleep method I’m pinning my hopes on now said, “no, no, no. He needs to sleep in the crib, he needs to learn.”

Obviously, I caved. It was the third voice-the adjusting to working motherhood voice-that broke me: “you’re away from him all week! Curl up with that baby, let him hear your heartbeat, and soak up that sweet baby nap!”

And man, I’m so grateful I did. Less than 5 minutes of Ergo time and he was out. And now, I’m relishing a blissful afternoon of baby naps, living in the life of Diego right now.

It’s so hard to be in the moment with this parenting thing, and so hard to know which voice to follow, what way is right. This is certainly an overwhelming and exhausting season for us. But in this moment, right now, it’s absolute joy.

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